Is "love" even worth it?

Nope. I guess if you believe in it, it might be, but I stopped believing in love a long time ago. It just doesn't exist if you think about things realistically. I believe in Paternal Love, in Affection and Lust. Those three are a given. I believe in Obsession and in Dependency 

But "true love"?

Nope, that's just something you read about in stories or see in movies. My parents aren't in love, my dad just feels more affection towards my mom than she does for him. They both admit they aren't happy, I'm just waiting for divorce to come up. Just the thought rips me apart inside, but it's inevitable.

My grandparents on both sides only stay together out of dependency and habit at this point, there's no longer even affection. My aunts and uncle and cousins are all divorced and constantly jumping from person to person. Even super religious people that I know have had problems that included manipulation and adultery. I've grown up in a world where marriage is just something you do because it sounds fun, divorce isn't a big deal and it's fine if 80% of the children in my extended family are constantly passed around from mom to dad and back again. There's no love there.

Once, I wrote down 100 reasons why relationships are a bad idea. I got almost every single idea from watching my parents or my younger sister, who has jumped on the marriage bandwagon and will be a wife this year at some point. I can look back on my list and still agree with everything that I wrote. Love doesn't exist, i think, is my first reason.

So, I dunno why I wrote all of this, I guess I needed to vent. My dad just told my mom he hasn't been happy in a long time, and I know she's upset about it, but she's not an affectionate person and is very opinionated and somewhat aggressive in her views , so I know she wont be able to fix it. And my dad tries, I know that he does try to make this sham work, but every hug or kiss he gives her, she shies away from. The other day he told her that he loved her, and she said "yeah".

That's not love. I can't blame it all on my mom, my dad's very hard to live with. He's dramatic and over emotional, they just don't mesh. The only reason they stayed together and considered marriage was because my mom got pregnant with me. I know that, we all do, but she denies it over and over again. I wish she would be honest.

So. There we go. "Love" isn't real, so it isn't worth it. I'm not going to try, I don't accept dates and I don't plan on ever doing so. Marriage is out of the question now and forever, so all I can do is try to move out on my own and depend on myself to make me happy. Because no one else is ever going to be able to do it.